Well, Hell

Do you like eccentric characters? Rural settings? Weird crimes? Welcome to the world of Bobby Wing, Constable, Fence Viewer, Deputy Fire Warden and Animal Control Officer of Skedaddle Gore, Maine.

To quote Bobby, "the job only pays minimum wage and mileage but it isn't real taxing timewise and the extra income helps covers my tab down at Sally's Motel and Bar and Live Bait and Convenience Store. Jake Beaverstool, the First Assessor, explained that they just needed somebody in town to handle the 'little things' that come up from time to time. You know, the minor annoyances that aren't important enough to call the sheriff or the state police, who usually arrive with a jeezley big commotion and get folks all worked up.

"The job sounded like it might be fun so I said yes after thinking it over for all of about two minutes. After I took the oath of office from the Town Clerk, they explained that they didn't want me carrying a badge or a gun and 'for God's sake, no arresting people.' That wouldn't be legal unless I went to the police academy in Vassalboro, which would be time consuming and expensive for the town. Luckily I haven't needed to arrest-or shoot-anybody so far, so that part's been working out."

Bobby's "yarns" are humorous stories of murder, romance, mystery, redemption, adventure, reluctant derring-do and the wages of sin. They run the gamut from a severed head found beside the road through a mysterious mute hermit with a pet wolf to a blood soaked body on a ski lift with plenty of local color along the way.

Sanford Emerson's short stories have appeared in Best New England Crime Stories in 2015, 2016, and 2017. He has also been published in Down East Magazine. This is his first full-length fiction.