Tripping Over Shadows

I am not a typical incest survivor. My incest did not begin in my childhood, though more than one person suggested that it might have. My father's incestuous fascination with me began when I was in my early 20's.

All of a sudden, my father's looks of disgust turned into looks of lust. But it wasn't until he placed his hand on my breast that I felt the world around me crumble - my surroundings morphed into everything unfamiliar. I lived somewhere else now, somewhere I imagined to be hell. Everything I previously referred to as my past disappeared in a blur.

The man I called my father had become a frightening entity. My skin tightened when he walked into a room. I felt cold and shaky. I was a single mother living at home with my parents, making less money than I needed to survive on my own. I was afraid for myself. I was afraid for my daughter. I was afraid to tell my mother and my sisters. I was afraid of everything.

But more than fear was the shame I felt, because I couldn't stand up to my father. His behavior was so foreign to me, that when he touched me, I didn't feel as if the rug had been pulled out from under me - I felt more as if the entire Earth had been pulled away from me, leaving me suspended somewhere between the life I thought I had and no life at all.

Adult-Onset Incest is so rare, very little has been written about the subject. In this book, you will get a glimpse into my life as an adult-onset incest survivor, tripping over my own shadows as I tried to gain some semblance of balance and regain the joy I once enjoyed.