Trauma Bond

After the love bombing and gaining my trust things quickly turned sour. It seemed I couldn't do anything correctly and my words were twisted like they were an F5 tornado. The gaslighting and manipulation quickly had me second guessing my every move in attempt to avoid more conflict.
I became lost in that world. I began to believe that I deserved to be treated that way. I lost who I was. I no longer enjoyed things I once did because I had been fooled into thinking they were stupid. Any joy I had in things he wasn't interested in was diminished.
I accepted that I was "crazy" and that I should be ashamed of the mental state that he himself had reduced me to. My life became all about him, his needs, and trying to remember every trigger. As much as I tried though, I couldn't keep the peace. And I thought that it was my fault.
Thinking I deserved nothing, I began having thoughts of suicide ideation. I had constant intrusive thoughts of hurting myself.
The stages of a trauma bond looped on a reel. I began to live for the moments that he did act like he loved me. It became an addiction, like a high and I always believed if I just did everything right, this time things would change.
Eventually I started to confide in others and began realizing what my life had become. I knew I had to get out. It took me several attempts, but I never gave up until I was free. I'm not proud of all the things I did but just asking him to leave did not work. While I am not proud, I am also not ashamed. I don't live with any regrets on how I choose to fight for myself.
I wrote this for me. I wrote this for you. I wrote this because all these thoughts needed a place to reside. This book is their graveyard. Ghosts of unwanted memories fill these pages.
Ghosts that still escape and haunt me as I suspect they always will. I've made peace with this because I know the trauma bond has been severed beyond repair.
Knowing it can be over is reason enough for you to leave.