THE LEGEND OF BRAGGADOCIO

What if the turkey on your table was a world-renowned atheist philosopher who spent his entire life proving that you didn't exist?
In the heart of Gobble-land and Cluckdom, a revolution is brewing, and it has nothing to do with corn. Meet Braggadocio: a four-foot-tall "Alpha" Tom with shimmering bronze plumage and a voice measured in thunderous "Braggadecibels" (BdB). As the Prince of Western Turkeys, Braggadocio has a mission: to debunk the "theory" of Thanksgiving once and for all.
His logic is airtight. He calls it the Braggadocio Proof: If the "Two-Legged Homo Sapiens-God" were real, a bird of his magnificent stature would have been roasted years ago. Since he is still strutting, he concludes that humans-and their ovens-are nothing more than a collective, seasonal hallucination.
Welcome to the "No Fucks Given" (NFG) Jamboree.
Held in the suspiciously open cornfield of Farmer Giles, the NFG Jamboree is the intellectual Super Bowl of the avian world. Braggadocio has assembled a "High Table" of feathered heavyweights to provide the scientific scaffolding for his grand delusion:

• J.P. Gobble Sartre: The existentialist who declares, "Existence precedes Gravy!"
• Bee "Cluck" Russell: The logician who proves the statement "Humans eat turkeys" is empirically unverifiable.
• Archbishop Gobble HellNo: The spiritual titan who uses the "Ancient Pecklogia" to prove turkeys are the "Day 5" elite, senior to the "Day 6" human late-comers.
• Princess Turkeyana: The multi-genre superstar and business mogul who refuses to marry Braggadocio until he proves the "knife doesn't exist."