My Grumpy Alien Warrior

Women of Earth: Are you lonely? Unfulfilled? Haven't had a toe-tingling, almost-blackout orgasm in longer than you can remember?

Nora

I just wanted a good man.

A nice, polite, boy-next-door type.

He didn't have to be a male model or a sports star or a wealthy magnate—even if that was the kind of man I read about late at night, alone, in bed.

So what if I dreamt of a man with big muscles and a commanding voice? That didn't mean I wanted to date that guy.

A nice accountant would work. Or an insurance salesman.

But then I had another epically bad date, came home alone, drank half a pitcher of margaritas, and took a silly online quiz.

Next thing I knew, I was agreeing to go on a date with the perfect man.

I'd never used a dating service before but…why not? The old fashioned way hadn't worked.

Maybe Serendipity, Inc. would match me with a nice teacher or a dentist.

Maybe I'd meet that boy next door I'd dreamt about.

Daken

For over a decade I fought for my planet. I dreamt of returning to CiFGa to live a peaceful life, and finally it's happened. I'm home.

We beat the invaders back, ground them into the dust, crippled their fleets, brought them to their knees. We shamed them. They won't soon return to my world.

The planetary leaders call me a hero, a CiFGan worthy of reward.

After years of celibacy and bland rations, I don't want wealth and titles. All I want is willing women and spicy food.

What do I get?

Knighted for bravery, enough credits to retire, and a betrothal contract.

I've been saddled with a human bride.