My Darling

My Darling: Memoirs of a Buddha Girl

This is my story.

I currently experience Big Love in every cell of my body and feel like I live in heaven nearly all of the time. My darling, a good friend told me that when she hears the stories of my healing work, she heals a bit herself. I said that I'd been getting prompts-that thing that occurs during meditation or when I'm just coming to the surface from sleep, or when I'm walking by myself in the park, where I hear bits of my healing story as if it were already written. I asked Judith if it would help her if I wrote it all down. She replied that yes, it would, and so here it is. And there may be more of you like Judith, and so, my darling, this is for you too.

This story begins when after forty years of daily meditation I wondered why I could not forgive in a way that would stick. I would forgive, and then the pain would circle right back up to the surface as if I had never worked on it at all. That circumstance led me on a journey in which I discovered that I had suffered an injury to my right prefrontal cortex when I was 19 years old that had fingers of damage extending into all parts of my brain. The neuroscientist I was working with told me that with that damage, he would expect me to present with no short-term memory and no ability to focus. I also discovered that the injury prevented my brain from producing alpha brainwaves. My darling, alpha is the only brainwave in which forgiveness and gratitude occur.

The very short version of the story, my darling, is that during a five-day program at a place called 40 Years of Zen, my brain healed itself. It now produces alpha brainwaves, and I am able to forgive in a way that sticks.

I now experience Big Love in every cell of my body, and feel like I live in heaven. I want to share this story so that you can know that living in heaven is available to you too.