I Am. abandoned

I, Blaire LaClare Koop write a memoir about losing hope, losing faith, losing friends, alienating and losing family and my lost identity. I write about my faith deconstruction.

Diagnosed with cancer at 8 months and then beginning to suffer from what could be seizures and a phobia or panic attacks at age 10.

Life was a real life, terrific nightmare. I couldn't go anywhere, see anyone or do anything. I was engulfed by anxiety and resentment for... life in general and especially towards God.

I had grown up in a Pentecostal home and church and knew the "Jesus loves me" songs and many Bible verses. All I'd ever been taught was that God is for me / us and wants the best for us. That sure didn't seem to be true so I ran from God because He'd obviously abandoned me.

Do you feel hopeless and alone? Do you feel that fate has conspired against you? My young women's biography shows that it might be possible to overcome fear and overcome pain. And if you are the family or friend not having any idea how to relate to something you don't and can't understand, this might help you too.

This is the story of my life with terror, working through my teen tragedy as well as living with this illness and horror while being a mother and wife. Of course, the work is mainly my actual story but I include random, short poems that I wrote while living my indescribable horror- this is a true story plus tragic poems that often brought me a tiny bit of solace as I poured into them the pain that I couldn't even fully express. I also have included small notes on my current circumstances and sometimes just reflections on life in general. Through my experience(s) I came/have come to somewhat understand God's reason for my pain because I have a good idea what God says about me.

Available in kindle, hardcover, paperback and soon in Audiobook format!